


Fall

by AlmayCorazon



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Romance, Smutty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-11
Updated: 2013-07-11
Packaged: 2017-12-19 04:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 14,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/879634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlmayCorazon/pseuds/AlmayCorazon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I hope that you are happy, that's all that I really want for you and for me, because we are too flawless to be anything less.<br/>You deserve more than you have gotten.<br/>I love you, Santana. </p><p>(Just something that was dancing around my head.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fall (Ed Sheeran)

**Author's Note:**

> All chapter titles are songs that actually fit the chapter, I recommend reading the chapters while listening to the songs.

_Dear S-_

_I'm supposed to be studying for my midterms but my mind is just going in circles._

_I know that you will get this letter and probably think that it's pretty fucking archaic that I'm writing you an actual letter but nothing else was working._

_Emails are too easy to erase...texts are so abrupt and phone calls are filled with emotion packed silence._

_Let me say that this is not a declaration of love..._

_At least...I think so...or not?_

_By the time that you get this letter, I should be on a plane headed to some Central American country to go build a house with my sorority sisters._

_It won't be the most exciting Spring Break but it will be a great character builder or at least that's what they told me._

_Also...it will keep me from doing anything stupid, like getting drunk and possibly leading on my best friend._

_I hope that I didn't fuck with your emotions...I saw how you looked at her dancing with OUR shared ex-boyfriend, my almost fiancé._

_It was too soon for you...but you played it off well._

_You told me that you didn't regret a thing and please know that neither did I._

_Our night and morning together was amazing and I thank you for it._

_You rocked my world and changed my perspective._

_Or as you put it..."My lemon has been unpressed."_

_Ha!_

_I know that you told me that you weren't going to show up with a U-haul...and even though I agreed that it would be insane if you had planned to, Can I really be honest and just tell you that I would actually love it if we were closer._

_Like physically closer, after I had Beth and you and I reconnected, it felt like you were ripped away from me again._

_Maybe a closer Ivy League wouldn't be so bad?_

_Who am I kidding...this is Yale...you don't just drop out of this place._

_And yet the people here make me look like a skank all over again._

_I'm rebellious and too liberal-minded._

_What a joke!_

_Anyway...I'm rambling..._

_Fuck...look, just promise me that if I ever change my mind about it being a one time (two-time?) thing, that there will still be a place for me in your arms?_

_Is that selfish?_

_Would it be weird for us to make that kind of a pact?_

_I hope that you are happy, that's all that I really want for you and for me because we are too flawless to be anything less._

_You deserve more than you have gotten._

_I love you, Santana._

_-Q_


	2. Dear Lover (Teena Marie)

I sat on Rachel's bed as she paced back and forth, she was going on and on about something but I wasn't quite paying attention.

When she had called me into her room, I had been in the middle of opening my mail and now I was rereading a letter from Quinn.

It was like I got sucked in this time warp.

Being on Glee with Rachel had made me immune to her tears...because I mean seriously...every solo made her weep!

Anyway...I hopped off the bed, stormed out into the living room and grabbed Lady Hummel's arm.

_"Look...I want to be supportive and all that crap but I have important things to handle. Your hag needs you."_

With that being said I shoved him into Rachel's room and pulled the door closed behind me.

Quinn's letter had gotten to me just two days after she had sent it.

It made me feel all kinds of things.

Happy.

Sad.

Nervous.

Curious.

Lonely.

* * *

_**Back from the jungle yet?-San** _

I shot her a quick text but I got nothing in return.

I jumped when I heard something shatter from Rachel's room and shook my head, happy that I had gotten out of there when I had the chance.

For the next hour I tried to keep myself busy, when Quinn still hadn't texted back, I decided that I would give this letter thing a shot.

It had been forever since I had actually written a letter but I knew the basics.

Except...I wasn't sure if I even knew where to locate a stamp.

I sat at the kitchen table and used some of Rachel's gold star stationary.

I couldn't help my smirk as I scribbled her name off the top before starting my letter.

Under the scribble, I wrote out my name and then set to work.

This was going to be the best letter ever!

* * *

_Hey Q,_

_So I am just going to write this without erasing, so forgive me for any errors._

_Before I talk about all the sappy shit, let me start off by saying that if you dye your hair pink and stop showering again, I will come up there and kick your ass._

_You are so much more than a skank._

_Those yuppies have no idea who they are fucking with and it's your obligation to show it to them._

_After you got knocked up, you stopped being HBIC and became all rebellious...a little loca...and very much a softie._

_Now though, you need to get back to being flawless._

_You already did me proud by dumping that geezer and hooking up with this hot piece of ass._

_Keep the momentum going._

_As for love declarations...it's okay to declare it._

_Yea, I'm totally not ready for anything serious, I'm glad that you get that but that doesn't mean that I don't love you._

_I have loved you even when I hated you._

_You deserve nothing but happiness and love after the hell you went through in high school._

_Back in Kentucky, I had this one professor that would start each week with the words TABULA RASA on the white board._

_Means clean slate._

_That's what Yale is supposed to be for you, don't forget that._

_Fuck the haters and just remember who you are._

_Make me proud!_

_Oh and any time that you want me to unpress that lemon...you just let me know._

_No strings._

_My arms will always be open to you._

_No matter what and about that pact...it's something that we could definitely talk more about._

_I hope that you stayed safe in whatever third world country that you went to._

_And hopefully, you hooked up and if you didn't...you know where to find me. ;)_

_Sincerely,_

_Your Lover, Santana_

_P.S. I totally nailed this letter thing...before you know it, I'll be balancing my checkbook and using a flip phone!_


	3. In My Dreams (REO Speedwagon)

* * *

I was sunburned and itchy as I made my way to my mailbox.

Spring Break had been hell and I was tired.

On top of that, I had one more day before I had class.

I was a royal bitch...of course that was until I saw Santana's familiar scrawl on an envelope,

Suddenly, all that stress and frustration had been wiped away as I made my way into the elevator.

My heart was speeding up.

Among the things that my solid Christian upbringing had provided me, was my ability to test my will power.

Even though I really, really wanted to rip the envelope open, I also wanted to be comfortable.

So instead, I unpacked my luggage and showered before I sat on my bed and picked the letter back up.

 _"Here goes nothing."_  I mumbled as I rubbed medicated lotion onto my numerous bites.

* * *

Six times.

That's how many times I had read the letter before I passed out.

I was really exhausted and so I allowed myself to fall asleep even though I really wanted to respond to the letter.

My dreams were filled of memories of the last few years.

I replayed every moment that me and San had been more than friendly.

Her friendship really meant a lot to me.

And I was glad that I hadn't lost it.

If anything...sex had made our relationship stronger.

Go figure!

* * *

_Dear San,_

_Never go to the jungle!_

_I really hope that those people enjoy that house that we built because I literally put my blood, sweat and tears into it._

_Staple right through my thumb!_

_Crap load of mosquito bites oh and I got hit on by so many sweaty, gross looking guys that I may be switching to your team for good!_

_I promise you that the blonde hair is sticking around and that I shower almost obsessively now._

_I'm thinking of taking a trip down to see you guys pretty soon, I checked my voice mails and there were at least six from Rachel begging me to come down._

_So what I want to know is that...say when I'm there...would you be opposed to me bunking in the bed with you?_

_I just might need my lemon unpressed again, the jungle and twelve chipper sorority girls have me feeling like I could snap at any moment._

_Will you unpress me?_

_How's that for keeping the momentum going?_

_Not too serious I hope?_

_Tabula Rasa...I like that._

_Who knew that you would go to Kentucky and become my own personal Yoda?_

_You totally did nail this letter and hopefully you will nail me...oh God, maybe erasing was created for a reason._

_I'm not even going to bother erasing that, I know that you will appreciate it._

_Let me know if you need any help balancing your checkbook and be careful not to poke your eyes out when you pull the antenna of your flip phone out!_

_As always,_

_YOUR Lover, Quinn_

_P.S. I can't wait to see you!_


	4. Walk of Shame (P!nk)

I tried to keep my head down and quickly brushed my fingers through my hair as I stumbled down a hallway that reeked of piss.

I wanted to gag but I was too busy trying to walk with a half broken heel while keeping my strapless dress up.

Nothing looked familiar as I used my elbow to hit the button of the elevator.

Where the hell was I?

How much had I drank?

Oh God...who had I fucked?

The apartment that I stumbled out of had been completely empty but at least the sheets smelled clean.

There was a huge dog locked in the bathroom and so on top of having an insanely embarassing appearance, I had to pee like a fucking race horse.

Fuck me!

Ha!

Someone already had!

Obviously!

When I got to the train station, I saw a few other people that were in various states of their walks of shame.

Of course, I looked hotter than most of them...so I shouldn't have been surprised when a jerk in a suit tried to solicit my services.

Seriously?

This was all Brittany's fault...

Shit...where was I?

* * *

I finally made it back to Bushwick and managed to make it to the bathroom without anyone seeing me only to nearly trip over Rachel who was hurling in the toilet.

Our eyes met and she went to say something but I held up my hand.

_"Don't even!"_  I muttered.

But it seemed she had to say what she had to say.

This Rachel wasn't as intimidated by me.

Where was a slushie when I needed one?

_"You reek and-"_  I cut her off.

_"Well obviously, I'm trying to take care of that."_

_"Obviously."_

_"Are you done upchucking or is there more?"_

_"No, I'm done...and so you know, I got worried last night when you left crying and half drunk, so I called Quinn."_

I felt a chill run through me.

_"This is none of your business, hobbit!"_

She rolled her eyes, rinsed her mouth and then walked out of the bathroom.

_"She's in my room sleeping."_  She said over her shoulder before slamming the door closed.

Ahh...there's my hangover!

God help me!

Fucking Brittany!

And Sam...couldn't forget him!

Asshole.

* * *

I was midway through brushing my teeth after a much needed shower when the door swung open.

There she was...the girl that asked me to nail her.

I smiled at her and she just shook her head and planted herself on the toilet.

_"Whaaayoudddoinnngthasnasy."_  I said through a mouth of toothpaste.

_"I have no idea what you just said to me...but I'm going to guess it has nothing to do with that smell coming from your dress."_

She nudged my dress that was crumpled in the corner of the floor.

I spit and rinsed and didn't bother answering.

She flushed and then pushed past me to start her morning ritual.

I didn't even bother waiting until she was finished, instead I stormed off to get dressed.

My head was killing me as I brushed through my hair ten minutes later.

Quinn pushed my door open and held a plate with toast, pills and a bottle of water.

_"Here. Finish up so we can go grab coffee."_

This wasn't up for discussion.

She was upset.

Even if she didn't have a reason to be.

Did she?


	5. Heartlite (Ruby Velle & The Soulphonics)

* * *

Okay...I can do this.

I was a natural born leader...I could separate my emotions.

Right.

We sat in a corner booth in a Starbucks, her with a Soy Latte and me with my Americano.

It had been a hard week and I was feeling lousy, I had been in the middle of downing cough syrup when Rachel called me.

At first I thought it was just another phone call about whatever drama filled thing that she was going through but then I heard her mention Santana.

I literally emailed all of my professors, packed a bag, and rushed to the train station all in a matter of twenty minutes.

Does that sound like a best friend or someone with a crush?

I'm not certain what my heart and mind are doing but I do know that there is a whole feud going on.

Right now though, I needed to be here for my best friend and not as her lover.

I smiled to myself and then quickly dropped my lips when I saw her looking at me with a scowl.

Was I staring?

Oh God...I was definitely staring.

Hungover Santana, had to be my least favorite because everything annoyed her.

Especially staring.

* * *

 _"Okay...so lets talk, shall we?"_ I said as I watched her rest her face in her hands.

This was beyond a hangover.

Rachel had told me that one minute Santana was on her phone laughing and then the next she was sobbing and downing shots of whiskey like it was water.

I knew that this had to do with Brittany.

She could play it off all that she wanted, she was still feeling this break up.

A much needed break up that she had initiated.

_"Okay San, look, I know you're heartbroken but you need to let her go. This was your choice."_

She looked up at me with so much hurt and anger that I wanted to hug her but I couldn't...she was pissed and now she was going to turn it on me but I wasn't afraid of her.

Once you see someone naked, it puts everything in perspective.

_"Fuck you, Fabray. My choice or not, this shit still hurts."_

_"I know."_

_"Do you? Really? You understand how tough it is to hear your ex...who has thrust you back in the friend zone ask you how a pregnancy test works?"_

My jaw was practically on the floor.

Was that what Britt had done?

If so, then that is pretty screwed up.

 _"You're kidding."_  I slapped my hand on the table.  _"In that case we should be talking about this over drinks. Do you want to get out of here?"_

And there it was.

Her smile lit up her face, it wiped away all the sadness as a little of her spark came back to her eyes.

 _"Lead the way, Fabray."_  She snarked as she stood to her feet and guzzled down the remainder of her latte before staring at me expectantly.

* * *

 _"Please tell me how you managed to find a bar open at ten in the morning?"_  Santana said as we walked into an empty bar.

I shrugged, pulled out my id and flashed it at the bartender.

_"Two glasses of red wine and keep them coming."_

He nodded and poured two huge glasses for us.

I grabbed them and then walked past my hungover Lov...shit...bestfriend to a booth in the very back.

_"I have to give it to you Lucy Q, I didn't think you had it in you to become an alcoholic so quickly."_

She was trying to be lighter as she sipped contentedly at her wine.

I could deal with that.

Thank God for bars that open before socially acceptable...but hey this is New York.

_"So talk to me...start from the beginning."_

_"Ugh...seriously? Do I have to?"_  She grumbled before gulping down more wine.

_"Yes, seriously, you have to! Especially if you want to nail me later."_

I cocked my eyebrow and immediately her face got serious.

_"Fine but I should tell you that dangling the muff in front of a lesbian is dangerous...especially when that lesbian is me."_

I smiled and winked at her.

How can she manage to be fresh off a one night stand, hungover and heartbroken but still manage to be sexy was a freaking enigma.

She was hot and she knew it as she winked at me.

_"Yea well, I know this particular lesbian pretty well and I know that the two quickest ways to both soothe you and pump you for gossip is to give you alcohol and sex...how am I doing so far? Am I keeping the momentum going?"_

She actually stuck her tongue out at me and waved me off.

_"You suck."_

_"Last I checked, that wasn't such a bad thing."_

She held her palms out to me and shook her head.

_"Okay, okay...I might just have a heart attack if you keep this momentum going...remember, I'm heartbroken, I'm not responsible for my actions if I happen to jump you in this bar."_

_"Again, I ask, is that such a bad thing?"_

Talk about bold.

My parents would be shamed.

Then again, what didn't shame them?

Screw it, for every idiotic, insensitive thing that Brittany did, I planned to make it better.

Starting with turning this sad sack in front of me back into the woman who rocked my world.


	6. Closer (Tegan & Sara)

* * *

I had run off to the bathroom, blubbering drunk and was trying to calm myself.

I had left Quinn sitting there thinking over just how bad Britt had gotten to me.

I had lost weight, sleep and was close to flunking out of college before I dropped out.

Nobody realized just how much I regretted breaking things off with her...least of all Britt herself...

At least that was until I made an ass of myself when I showed up during diva week like some sort of fucking caveman.

I was an idiot!

I banged my way into a stall and was about to close the door behind me when it was shoved open.

 _"What the hell are you doing?"_ I snapped at Quinn as she locked the stall door behind her.

_"I can't see you hurting over someone who didn't deserve you."_

_"Don't say that, she's your friend t-"_

It wasn't often that anyone topped me.

But anyone wasn't Q.

She pressed me against the stall and shoved her knee between my legs and brushed her nose against mine.

I leaned the rest of the way and captured her lips.

She did that throaty laugh that always sent chills through me.

I groaned again as she palmed my tits and pressed me as far against the wall as possible.

 _"Lift your skirt."_  She growled.

I didn't hesitate as I hiked up my short skirt and she didn't hesitate as she shoved my lace thong to the side.

My head collided with the wall as she sunk her fingers into me.

 _"God!"_  I groaned as she began to nibble on my neck.

_"Mmm...you okay lover?"_

I let out a shaky laugh and ground myself down on her thrusting fingers.

_"Fuck, Q, harder baby...faster."_

* * *

Our breathing was coming out in little bursts as she gripped my waist with one hand and added more force with the other.

_"I like seeing you come undone like this...knowing that its me that's doing this to you."_

_"Shut it, Fabray! Just...unh...right there! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yessssss! Ahh fuck!"_  I shouted.

She was watching me in awe and with so much lust in her eyes.

She licked her lips and smiled at me as she hit that spot inside me that most people had a hard time finding.

I came harder than I had ever remembered and nearly came again as I watched her shove her damp fingers into her mouth.

Her eyes rolled back and she looked at me with so much heat.

 _"Fuck that's hot..."_ I whispered as I reached for her.

_"No...this is about you. You need to move on...just like she has, even if it's not with me. One night stands are a waste of time...you need to be fucked by someone who loves you...and I'm going to help you with that."_

I shuddered as she ran her fingers over my waist and adjusted my panties before she pulled my skirt back down.

_"That sounds an awful lot like u-hauling, Q."_

_"No...it's just us acknowledging how flawless we are together. We are just going to act as placeholders, satisfying our needs until we find someone who deserves us and who we deem worthy enough to be with us."_

_"And when we do...what happens to you and me?"_

_"Tabula Rasa."_

_"Just like that?"_

_"Yes..but until then...I think that we should get back to the apartment, so that I can help you heal more."_

I cocked my eyebrow and she cocked hers.

I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into but damn if she didn't make me want to find out.

Beyond wanky.

Her proposition sounded like something out of a cheesy rom-com but I was game.

_"Okay...bring it on, Lucy Q...I'm curious to see what all this hype is about, I'd like to see what you're made of."_

_"Oh, you'll find out."_

No truer words were spoken,

Ever!

* * *

_Dear...you know what..._ _Fuck you Quinn Fabray!_

_Yes, that's how I started this letter!_

_Never in all of my sexual experiences have I felt like this._

_It's like I'm some caged animal, pacing and growling in frustration!_

_How dare you come here and fuck me for three days straight and then go back to New Haven!_

_I'm non-stop dripping now and I can't get myself off!_

_I'm so pissed at you right now...fuck!_

_And so guess what?_

_I will see you soon...and you better fuck and suck me dry!_

_I'm serious!_

_I've gone from casual bitch to catastrophic!_

_There is no way that I can live like this...I am getting on my own nerves!_

_Fuck you!_

_-Your horny lover!_

* * *

I paid a kid fifty bucks to pass her that letter in class and then watched from the window as she read it.

I was being a creeper but I didn't fucking care.

She had gone pale and then red.

I smiled to myself as I headed back to her dorm room.

It was her turn to be frustrated and wanting.

She needs to learn...

A bitch has needs!

She had dangled her muff in front of me and now she deserved the consequences.

Fuck...there goes the dripping again.

Be careful what you wish for!


	7. Sweet Love (Chris Brown)

* * *

I didn't even stay for the rest of the class.

She was here and I didn't want to waste another second listening to a boring lecture.

I rushed across campus and normally that walk is five minutes but it was a Thursday, my busiest day of the week.

And of course people thought me rushing by them meant it was a great time to talk!

Didn't they understand what I had waiting for me?

My phone kept going off and then I got stopped by three of my sorority sisters.

Separately.

Fucking sorority!

I was going insane!

* * *

My phone chirped as I was rounding the pathway to my dorm.

_"Where are you?!"_

_"Coming!"_  I groaned as I heard my word choice.

_"Not yet but I'm about to be. I'm already laying here...oh God and I've already started without you."_

_"What?!"_ I shrieked as I listened to the rustling of the phone and then the sound of wetness.

Seconds later she was growling in my ear.

_"I'm so wet...mmmm...fuck, I need you, Q!"_

I was outside my building when I got stopped again, this time by a professor.

Shit!

* * *

_"Ms. Fabray...do you have a minute?"_

At that moment I was so glad that I had my Bluetooth in my ear and he couldn't see it or hear it.

_"Yes, Dr. Malcolm...of course."_

Meanwhile in my ear I could hear heavy panting and breathing.

_"Mmmm, Q! I am spread across your bed completely naked and my pussy is dripping for you. I've got three fingers inside...fuck!"_

I groaned as my professor droned on and on.

_"What do you think, Quinn?"_

_"Hmm?"_

_"About leading the next service project?"_

_"Oh God...ay dios! Ayyyyyyyy!"_

Fuck you, Santana!

_"Oh yea, definitely. I'm always down for anything."_

_"Good to hear, well, I'm going to get going, have a good night."_

I sighed in relief and turned towards my building.

The other end of the line had been silent after San came and I was itching to know why.

* * *

I stepped into my room and my jaw dropped as I watched San with her fingers still plunged inside of herself.

She had passed out.

_"You've got to be fucking kidding me."_

I dropped my school bag and climbed in the bed immediately.

She didn't budge.

Screw that...I crawled to the bottom of the bed and slowly pulled her fingers from the wetness and began to suck on them.

How had I existed without this taste?

God she tasted amazing.

Once I had sucked her fingers clean, I promptly buried my face in her wetness.

I licked from her entrance straight up to her clit before sucking it between my lips.

Her hands came around the back of my head and she immediately began grinding against my face.

 _"Yessssssssss!"_ She hissed as I nibbled and sucked on her. _"Fuck you're so fucking good at that! Mmmm...yes! Unh...I'm cummi-fuck! Oh Quinnnnnnnnnn!"_

Her body relaxed but I didn't stop.

Her instructions had been for me to suck her dry and I wasn't going to stop until I had done just that.

She rolled her hips and came seconds later and then again and again.

After about six consecutive orgasms she wasn't even making human noises anymore.

She just dissolved into moans and gripped my hair so hard that I was pretty sure that she was separating it from my scalp.

* * *

My jaw was getting tired so I replaced my licks with touches.

I plunged inside of her and she screamed as she clung to me.

She pulled at me and so I made the journey to her plump lips while I kept my fingers dipping into her and brushing my thumb over her clit.

When our eyes met I could see that she was crying.

I was about to stop but she shook her head.

_"Pa...Pl...please...d...d...don't st stop!"_

I nodded and continued pressing towards her release.

I grinded my own damp heat against her thigh and her eyes looked up at me.

_"I w...want to t-touch you."_

I shook my head and just ground down harder.

_"Not yet...I need to do this to you...please?"_

She nodded and then closed her eyes and came so hard that she squirted all over my hand.

I looked up at her in shock.

_"Wow!"_

She smiled and pulled at my hand.

I collapsed against her and she held me as we fell into an exhausted slumber.

I had a feeling that this wasn't over...not by a long shot!


	8. The First Cut is the Deepest (Sheryl Crow)

* * *

She must have been exhausted.

I peeled myself out of Quinn's arms and had just grabbed her robe when the door swung open.

A dark haired, bombshell of a girl walked in with her huge headphones on her head.

She hadn't noticed me yet but that didn't last long.

She jumped back and threw her hand over her eyes.

 _"Who the fuck are you?"_  She shrieked.

_"Um...Santana...you must be Quinn's roommate."_

I closed up the robe and cleared my throat.

_"You can open your eyes now."_

The girl dropped her hands and then shot a glance over at Quinn.

_"Yea...I'm her roommate, name's Cassie. Are you like her girlfriend or something?"_

I shook my head and sat on the edge of the bed.

I was wracking my brain with my next move when I saw my panties hanging off Cassie's bedpost.

I had been in such a rush when I broke into Quinn's dorm that I didn't actually think of her roommate.

Shit.

_"Look...I'm going to head back to my boyfriends room and let you guys have alone time."_

_"Yea...thanks."_

* * *

The moment the door closed I heard a snicker from behind me.

I turned to see Quinn with a huge fucking grin on her face.

_"Not cool Fabray!"_

_"But it was funny as hell!"_

We glanced at each other and broke into a fit of giggles, I guess it was kind of funny.

_"I guess I should get my soaked panties off her bed."_

_"Mmm...hand those to me."_

I shot her a glare as I began to pick up my clothes from the various surfaces around the room.

 _"Fuck you."_  I grumbled.

Just as I was dropping my clothes at the foot of her bed, her arms came around me and she pulled me against her.

_"I'd like you to...you know fuck me..."_

I moaned and tried to turn in her arms but she was holding my arms tighter than I had realized.

_"Ease up on my arms then, Q...I mean I'm a stallion and all but even I can't fuck you in this position."_

She chuckled in my ear and then ground against my ass.

_"Thirsty, lover?"_

I swallowed and nodded as I relaxed against her.

_"God yes."_

I nearly fell when she abruptly spun from me and walked towards the door.

_"Well then finish getting dressed so I can take you to dinner and we can grab something to quench that thirst."_

She winked and then left the room.

_"Fuck!"_

The dripping was back.

* * *

We sat in a booth at an empty bar with untouched food in front of us.

 _"That shot wasn't cheap...drink it."_ She said as she threw back her second shot.

I reached out a hand and covered the next shot that she was reaching to.

_"We came here instead of having sex because you obviously wanted to talk, Q. I have known you over half of my life. So talk."_

She pulled her hand back into her lap and then I sat watching as her eyes jumped all around the room before they finally landed on me.

 _"It's so much easier to write my feelings."_  She whispered.

_"No problem baby cakes."_

I smiled gently at her and reached into my purse.

When I had written the letter it had been on a pack of fresh stationary that I had swiped from Rachel.

_**Talk to me, Q.** _

I scribbled my tiny note and slid it across the table.

_**I have so much that I want to say but I'm afraid that you'll hate me for it.** _

I smiled down at the note and then looked at her in understanding before writing back.

_**I know. That's why I'm here too, that and the leaky faucet in my pants.** _

She scrunched up her nose and quickly scribbled.

_**Gross.** _

* * *

I let out a bark of laughter and shoved the notepad to the side before leaning over the table and taking her hands in mine.

_"Just be honest, Q...do you want me to rent that U-haul?"_

She smiled and blushed before looking back at me with watery eyes.

 _"Maybe reserve it?"_  She shrugged trying her best to play it cool.  _"I don't want to be a rebound for you, San. I can handle being a lover but I can't handle being a rebound. I want to be with you."_

I froze.

Literally I don't know what came over me but my brain just told my legs to move and so that is what they did.

I left her.

Just like that.

Vulnerable and half drunk.

How pathetic was I?

I just feel so stuck!


	9. Timebomb (P!nk)

* * *

I swear at first I just thought she needed air.

But then after I was being cut off by the bartender and the last call light was flicked it hit me.

She left.

The mighty Santana Lopez had run scared.

I checked my phone as I stumbled out of the bar and was immediately accosted.

Seriously.

_"Can I see some id miss?"_

_"Are you fucking kidding?"_ I slurred as I looked up at the young guy with a flash light.

I pulled my id from my cleavage and gave it to him.

He looked it over and then looked at me and then back at the id.

_"Okay look...I know that you aren't twenty-one and I know for sure that this is fake."_

_"Are you kidding me?!"_ I shrieked.

_"Calm down, miss."_

I was nauseous.

My stomach clenched and heaved.

The world was spinning.

He touched me and I completely lost it all over his shoes.

And that is how I ended up sleeping in the drunk tank on campus.

* * *

Sometime around dawn they woke me up and told me that I was being picked up.

I begged God and every angel in the sky to let it be Santana.

Of course God stopped listening to me sometime around the time I got pregnant...so I shouldn't have been surprised.

Cassie stood there with her sunglasses on and two huge cups of coffee in her hands.

She was beaming so hard that her dimples dug deep dents in her cheeks.

_"Why are you so happy?"_

She let out a chuckle and shoved a cup in my face.

_"Because up until yesterday I couldn't stand your whole deal. You were just too perfect."_

_"And now?"_  I groaned when the sun hit my eyes.

She took off her sunglasses and handed them to me before slipping on another pair.

_"You seem real. I like real...and because we are now best roomies, I called Daddy and he pulled strings. This whole arrest never happened."_

I looked at her in shock as I put the borrowed sunglasses on.

_"You didn't...why?"_

_"You can thank Santana. She gave me the idea last night...she spent the whole night explaining everything...she's super sorry."_

It took everything in me not to roll my eyes.

But then I guess God had been listening,

We had stopped and there standing against Cassie's car was the runner herself.

She looked like hell.

Good!

She held her hands up and bit her lip.

_"I can explain."_

_"What makes you think that I want to even look at you?"_  I snapped before walking past her.

_"Walk with me?"_

I looked over at Cassie and she nodded.

_"Talk to her...it's not a far walk. I'll see you back at the room."_

_"Fine."_  I said as I proceeded to walk towards the other side of campus.

Well really stalking is more like it and stomping.

I sipped angrily at my coffee as she walked silently next to me.

_"Shit...I was so stupid, Q. I'm so torn because I really need my best friend now to tell me what to d-"_

I cut her off but never stopped walking.

Because if I stopped and looked into those eyes, I would lose my resolve and crumble.

And you don't just crumble in front of Santana.

It's suicide.

* * *

_"Why were you crying when we were in bed?"_

At some point last night, I realized that there was something going on.

This visit had been more than about sexual needs...she had even admitted it.

That's why she stayed sober...she wanted to talk.

I had missed the signs and I paid for it by basically asking her to be mine.

This was more than simple at this point.

She cleared her throat and then took a deep breath.

_"I was thinking ab-"_

I held my hand up.

_"I do not want to hear that you were thinking of her during...that's just..."_

She nodded and then swallowed her words back.

* * *

_"It's...she called me...two nights ago and told me how she got these amazing SAT scores and how she was going to try to get into a dance school."_

_"So?"_  I snapped.

I was still on edge.

_"She asked me if we could make it work...asked if I still loved her. I tried to push it away, I wanted to remember why it didn't work and I wanted you so bad."_

_"So what I'm like your bandaid?"_

_"No...shit...this is just way too much! This isn't about you...it's about me and B."_

_"Well then why are you here with me?!"_

I threw my coffee clear across the street and stomped my foot in anger.

_"Q, lover...please?"_

And there was the fucking sweetness that she had been showing me lately.

_"No. When you left, you should have stuck with that decision. You shouldn't have stuck around."_

_"I love you, Q. So much."_

_"But I was a rebound, that's why you left, right?"_

She was crying now.

_"No...don't turn this into something ugly!"_

I didn't mean to...but I couldn't stop myself as I reared back and let my hand fly.

Her head turned to the side as she absorbed the shock of my slap.

I didn't receive one back.

_"You're right...I should just go. Just...take this."_

She handed me a sealed envelope and then walked away.

I felt like a complete bitch when she walked off looking so defeated.

Had I been too hard on her?

* * *

_Dear Q,_

_I left you in that bar and it was so stupid._

_I had just stepped out to cry and she called me._

_I was so pissed off with myself._

_All these years I had these two best friends and things were now screwed with the both of you._

_Love comes really hard for me and I realize how hard it makes everything._

_I want this._

_Whatever this is, I recognize that I want it._

_I want you._

_I just don't want to jump so fast and that's exactly what we're doing._

_I want to be with you but my heart isn't ready._

_I'm not ready, but I want to be does that count?_

_Please say that it does._

_I was coming to New Haven to ask if we could slow it down but my hormones got the best of me._

_I'm an idiot and I know that you've dated enough of those!_

_I'm not perfect but you have me, Q._

_I want that tabula rasa with you just not like this._

_Please understand?_

_I love you!_

_Still your lover, Santana_


	10. Blank Page (Christina Aguilera)

* * *

_Hey Q,_

_I've called you and emailed you...you don't answer my texts and that one time I called from Berry's phone you hung up._

_I thought I explained things in that letter._

_Is this you giving me time?_

_I miss you._

_This sucks, I feel so fucking alone right now._

_And the only person that I want is you._

_Sam and Britt were in town and stopped by unannounced._

_It was the most uncomfortable two days of my life and she didn't even notice._

_I gave them my bed while I bunked with Porcelain and I'm pretty sure they fucked on my sheets._

_Gross right?_

_I'm telling you all this because I'm pretty sure that was it for me._

_She will never be more than my friend and I'm cool with that._

_I told her about us just as she was leaving and I felt no guilt...just pride because I was yours...I am yours._

_Your lover, your friend and maybe more._

_And you are mine!_

_I've gone over and over in my head what I did wrong when it came to you and me._

_I have so many regrets but I won't walk away._

_You have become my home._

_I'm sitting here on this train back to Lima, wishing that I was on my way to you._

_I'm so sorry for hurting you!_

_Can we please go back?_

_Or start over._

_Please write me back._

_I need you._

_More than sex...more than friendship...I fucking need you!_

_Tell me what I need to do...I'll do anything to fix this._

_I want to be with you too...I love you._

_Tabula Rasa, my love?_

_Santana_

* * *

I didn't care that the page was tear-stained.

All I cared about as I climbed off that train back in Lima was that she felt my words.

I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of the song blasting in my ears.

Blank page.

I was aching inside but it was doing something to me and I was grateful.

My pain was making me into someone better.

Britt would always be my first love...nothing and no one could change that.

I wasn't sure she was my last love though.

She was fickle in love like Sam and I loved hard in love like Quinn.

Maybe the universe got it right.

I wasn't sure...all I did know was that I couldn't pass up this opportunity to find love.

Quinn fits me on so many levels and I would be stupid to ignore that.

Loving her scares the shit out of me but I'm game.

I think that I always will be.

The ball would be in her court now.

I just hope she responds.

Sealed with a kiss.

* * *

Being back in Lima without feeling the need to call Britt was a blessing.

I didn't want to come back to Lima but it was Mami's 50th birthday and I couldn't miss that.

I was all smiles and sunshine but a mother knows.

She knew that my heart was aching.

And without even having to tell her, she knew that it wasn't about B.

She hugged me tight and told me that true love even new love, always finds its other half.

That's when I explained everything to her and she broke out in laughter.

_"Mi'ja, if the love that you and Quinn have for each other is strong enough, then your apology will be good enough. The first one was out of guilt but this one was out of love. She will see that. She's a smart girl just like you. So just trust in your love for her and take it easy...life isn't just about sex. Just because it feels good doesn't mean that it's love. She may have been second guessing everything because you made her feel good. Now that she has had time...if this is love, she'll know."_

_"Thank you, Mami."_

* * *

I spent six days in Lima, I even sat in on a glee practice and was happy to note that I was able to just give Britt a quick hug and not feel more than friendship.

Maybe Mami was right.

When I climbed back on that train six days after sending that letter though, I was back to doubting.

She hadn't called or texted.

I wanted to believe her more than anything...but I still had my trepidation.

What if's were zooming around my head at warp speed.

But a mother knows.

I should have known too because my mother is rarely wrong about things.

And this was just going to be another feather in her cap.

She knew Quinn just as long as I had and so she knew what would happen.

As I made my way off the train and made my way out of Penn Station there she stood with tears in her eyes holding up a single blank sheet of paper.

Tabula Rasa.


	11. Be Your Everything (Boys Like Girls)

It happened in slow motion.

Not just that moment in the train station but everything.

From the moment that she walked off back in New Haven, time had kind of stopped for me.

I had been frustrated as I threw my phone right after my coffee.

It cracked and I just walked away.

Santana had gotten underneath my skin and I knew that I was to blame.

What if I had just been sex?

I was pushing her to forget Brittany.

What gave me that right?

They had history on their side.

A different history than she and I had.

I didn't want to be another Brittany in her life.

We lived apart just like she and Britt had and the moment things got tough, San had shown up in Lima and broke her heart.

I couldn't be that.

So I blocked her out.

When I got my new phone, I blocked her number and when Rachel had let San use her phone, I changed my number.

Cassie had tried to get me to see reason but I wouldn't.

My heart had been broken enough and I wasn't going to put myself out there anymore.

I promised myself that I wouldn't.

I wasn't gay.

This had been a tryst...fun and I was over it.

Over her.

Or so I thought.

* * *

I was coming from a sorority mixer with my new flavor of the week, best friend, Kayla when I was accosted.

Seriously.

Again.

Except this time it wasn't the police but when I saw Rachel's face, I wished that it was the police.

_"What are you doing here, Rachel?"_

_"I came to see you."_

_"Of course you did...but why?"_

Kayla shot me a look and then made her excuses before walking in the opposite direction.

_"Because I need to talk to you about the way that you are treating Santana."_

I stopped short and looked at Rachel with all my anger and resentment.

_"She left me...I spent a night in jail. I laid myself out on the line and she ran! Santana fucking Lopez ran like a pussy and you are here to lecture me!"_

I had my finger in her face but she didn't back down.

Of course not!

_"You know better. She told me what you said...how you wanted to be with her. Let me clue you in on something. Do you remember how Santana spilled her heart out for Brittany back when she was with Artie?"_

_"Yea...what about it?"_

_"Those were her exact words to Brittany. When you said that to her, all those feelings came rushing back and she got scared. She's not perfect, she's human just like you and me, Quinn. She hurts and the only person that she has ever laid everything out for was Brittany. That break-up with Brittany wasn't real for her...it was a break. It was like she was testing Brittany to see if she would wait for her. It was a test of their relationship, it was a stupid move and she knows it. Brittany called her bluff and she started dating Samuel and that broke her apart. You saw it. At the wedding, you saw how much it hurt her to see them together and then less than a month later here you are professing your love for her. She got scared. Why can't you see that?"_

I had my arms wrapped around myself and tried to not let those words get to me.

But they had.

Rachel was only telling me what I already knew.

She was only pointing out what Cassie had tried to for weeks now.

_"It's too late to fix it. She's probably moved on."_

_"Not true. She sulks...like all the time. It was like Brittany all over again and then Brittany showed up with Samuel. It killed her that you wouldn't answer her messages. She needed you. Her BEST friend and you blew her off. You say that Brittany doesn't deserve her but you know what...I'm not sure that you do either. Now, that's all that I needed to say, I'll leave you be. I have a train to catch. Fix this, Quinn."_

* * *

When I got back to my room Cassie was sitting on her bed with her big headphones on watching a movie on her laptop.

She smiled at me and then pointed to my bed.

 _"You got a letter!"_  She yelled.

I nodded and then picked up the letter from my bed.

It was from Santana.

But I mean it was from SANTANA.

The letter was more her than I had ever seen.

This was the part of her that Brittany got to see.

And I felt honored.

So honored that the tears that poured from my eyes didn't allow me to function for a while.

I cried so hard that I ended up with Cassie shoving ice cream in my hands and insisting that we talk.

Except I didn't want to talk...not to her.

For me there was only one person that was worth the words that I wanted to speak.

But I couldn't call her.

I couldn't even write her.

I had to see her.

But I had a week of finals in front of me.

There was no way that I could skip.

I had to see her.

* * *

I went a whole week in my isolation.

She was in Lima and when I called Rachel she had told me that she wasn't due to be back until the end of the following weekend.

That was perfect.

As I packed up my dorm room for the summer that Thursday and I racked my brain for a way to get her to see that I was in this for good.

That I was ready to be with her too.

That I wasn't going to walk away again.

And then after reading her letter for the millionth time, I knew what I needed to do.

I was supposed to be interning in New York for the summer, with a stipend and a small apartment in Manhattan.

So Cassie drove me all the way to the city.

She had asked her rich daddy to let her stay in New York with me and so I was going to be in Brooklyn.

It was like that quote from one of my favorite writers...

 ** _"When you want something bad enough, the universe conspires to help you."_  **I whispered over and over again as we unpacked our stuff in our apartment.

I said it so much that Cassie insisted on buying the book so that she could read it and fully grasp what I was saying.

And then the day came and I was a wreck.

I had been weeping over breakfast and lunch.

I was second guessing myself.

What if she came back reconciled with Brittany?

What if she didn't want me anymore?

What if I had pushed her too hard?

And then she walked off the train and I quickly tore a blank sheet of paper from my notebook.

She stopped and looked at me and then looked up.

I watched a million emotions cross her face and then she smiled.

At me.

It was perfect.

It was cheesy.

It was a clean slate.


	12. The Closer I Get To You (Roberta Flack & Donny Hathaway)

* * *

My heart ached.

You know that scene in the Grinch stories when his heart grows three times it's size?

Even with everything with Britt...I thought I had reached my maximum amount of emotion...but that was until I saw her standing there clutching that piece of paper.

I don't remember running to her or dropping my bags on a New York street, all I know is that I picked her up and kissed her.

I kissed her with every bit of emotion that I had been holding in.

There was so much in that kiss, it was like it was the eraser and it was wiping away all the angst and bitterness between us.

Cassie would later tell us that several tourists recorded the kiss, thinking that it was some reenactment or protest.

But we didn't notice.

For us, in that kiss was both an apology and an explanation.

And for us...it was perfect.

* * *

 _"Are you hungry, lover?"_  I whispered against her lips.

She was grinning as her legs clutched around my waist.

_"You have no idea!"_

_"Where do you want to go?"_

_"Anywhere, as long as I'm with you."_

My heart pounded so hard I felt like it was going to come out my throat.

This was crazy.

_"We aren't going to always be this damn sappy, are we?"_

I grinned just before kissing her lips and helping her back onto the sidewalk.

_"God, I hope not."_

She smiled before holding my cheeks between her hands and kissing my lips again.

_"Mmm...love, our kisses are delicious and all...but I really am hungry."_

_"Okay, okay. Spell broken...lets feed you."_  She grumbled before shooting me a wink.

I melted.

And damn if that dripping didn't come back!

* * *

Cassie was amazing enough to grab my bags and take them back to the loft for me.

Leaving just me and Q to eat an early dinner since, I obviously didn't realize just how late it was.

I had lifted my hand up to order a glass of wine but Quinn shook her head.

_"Lets be sober for once when we talk? Just for now?"_

I smiled at her and nodded.

_"Okay, Lucy Q...you got it."_

She scrunched up her nose and then dropped her head trying to hide her blush.

I leaned over the table and kissed her cheeks before dropping back down on my side of the booth.

_"What are you doing to me?"_

I cocked my eyebrow.

_"What do you mean?"_

She shot me a glare and then a nervous smile.

_"You Santana, are turning me into a literally ball of goo."_

I bit my lip and waved her off.

 _"It's a gift."_  I snickered.

_"Is that right? And how's your faucet?"_

My jaw dropped.

 _"Touche, Fabray."_  I winked and her smile split into the goofiest grin.

She covered her face.

_"Okay, enough. We are supposed to be discussing serious stuff here, Santana."_

_"No...we aren't."_

_"And why not?"_

_"What is there to discuss? Tabula Rasa...right now we are having fun with a plan to get more serious as we go along...right?"_

She nodded.

_"Exactly."_

_"And you agree to give me time and take it slow...right?"_

_"Well as long as you aren't having one night stands."_

_"Right...I will be exclusively slow with you...agreed?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Okay...and so in the spirit of that, will you go on a date with me, Quinn?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Good...so order what you want."_

Her jaw dropped.

_"This doesn't count!"_

_"I'm kidding!"_

_"Right!"_

* * *

Things were good.

I mean really, really good.

Never in my life did I think that it would feel this good.

And it had only been three weeks!

I loved her and I didn't want to stop.

But we had boundaries, we had space...and that was what was lacking in my previous relationship.

Britt and I had literally gone from being attached at the hip to separated.

Quinn and I wanted to circumvent that, so we would spend a day or two apart, so that when she went to New Haven, it wouldn't be so hard.

It felt so right to be doing things this way.

We were giving each other everything, good and bad.

And it just felt right.

* * *

_Dear Mami,_

_I just wanted to assure you that you were right._

_That once again, you knew better than me._

_And I'm so happy that you did._

_Thank you for giving me hope._

_I love you and I will see you soon!_

_Love Ana._

_P.S. I'm sending you a bunch of pictures of that true love you were talking about...I've never smiled so much in my whole life! Who knew?!_

_P.P.S. I'm sure you did!_


	13. That's When I Knew (Alicia Keys)

* * *

My heart ached.

Where had the time gone?

I brushed her beautiful hair from her face and kissed the tip of her nose.

She smiled as she pretended to sleep against my chest and I felt my heart flutter.

This time getting to know Santana had been the best weeks of my life.

Things that I used to find annoying were now adorable and I learned that the moments when she was the meanest tended to be those moments when she was feeling the most vulnerable.

We were still taking it slow and it felt amazing.

Because she was amazing.

She was right, I am turning into a sap.

_"Your leering is disturbing my orgasmic high...either say something or look away."_

I rolled my eyes.

 _"I'm going to miss you."_ I whispered softly.

She groaned and looked into my eyes finally.

_"I know, I'll miss you too...but you know what?"_

_"What?"_

_"Nothing is going to keep me from writing to you or communicating. I'm yours, Q...don't forget that."_

I smiled really huge, so huge that I was pretty sure my teeth were about to shatter.

She hugged me tight and then kissed my neck.

_"Mmm."_

_"Yea? You ready again?"_

I nodded and had to choke back my laugh when she was on top of me in no time flat.

I was really going to miss this.

Ugh...I needed to be positive.

No sad thoughts.

I didn't want to ruin the moment.

* * *

Her fingers trailed up my sides as her hair draped all around us.

I took in a shaky breath as she began to softly hum.

She smiled to herself as she traced my every outline.

My skin was set ablaze as her touch memorized every part of me.

She didn't even have to admit to it because I had done the same thing just minutes before...but I knew.

She was sad but she wouldn't show it.

And neither could I.

I sucked in a sharp breath as she took my nipple in her mouth.

 _"Mmm...yesss."_ I hissed.

Happy to be distracted finally.

Her fingers slowly made their way down my body and I groaned in anticipation.

 _"I love the sounds that you make."_  She whispered as she stroked my clit.

A million sensations ran through me as she coaxed my orgasm out of me.

But I held back...I didn't want it to end.

* * *

It had been an amazing summer and I knew that once this was over, I would be leaving back to New Haven.

Santana Lopez had stolen my heart and I felt like our perfect little world would shatter when I left.

_"Stop thinking so much Fabray or you can forget about cumming!"_

_"You wouldn't?"_

_"I would."_

Our eyes met and I saw the challenge in her eyes.

And then she was sinking her fingers into me.

My mind was immediately blank.

I became a moaning puddle of sensation in her hands.

_"Fuck! Harder!"_

_"There's my girl! Like this baby?"_

_"Mmmhmmm...yes."_

_"Fuck, you're beautiful!"_

My body jerked with her thrusts and I just couldn't get enough.

I didn't care that Cassie was on the other side of the wall...

Or that we were leaving in an hour...

Or even that I was riding my lovers fingers and now her mouth like there was no tomorrow...

There was just this moment...

This action...

Just us!

_"Oh God! Right there! Yes, yes, yes, ffffffuck! Yes! Santanaaaaaa! Yesssss God!"_

* * *

_Hey lover girl,_

_Just so you know, Cassie has not stopped screaming out 'yes' this entire drive!_

_I blame you!_

_Don't smile like that!_

_You know what...screw it...it was amazing and I will make no apologies._

_I don't care how loud I was because you blew my mind._

_And you will be happy to know that I can still feel you._

_I know...wanky!_

_Thank you for giving me an amazing summer._

_You gave me my confidence back._

_I'm going back to school, dropping the sorority bullshit and joining something worthy of my time._

_I'm thinking Presidential Ambassadors with Cassie._

_Maybe, we'll see._

_The whole year is up to me, you reminded me of that._

_I love you._

_Slowly falling in love more each day and loving it!_

_Your lover,_

_Lucy Q!_


	14. The Woman I Love (Jason Mraz)

* * *

_"I can't believe that we agreed to this."_

I stared blankly ahead and tried to ignore the blonde next to me.

Not because I didn't care about what she felt but because I knew what came next.

_"She's our best friend."_

_"Was...she and I haven't been close in a very long time, San."_

_"I asked if you were sure about being a part of it and you swore to me that you were."_

We had been having this same fucking argument for weeks now and I was tired of discussing it.

_"You asked me right after you fucked me...I would have said yes to anything in that moment, Santana!"_

_"You know what, then don't do it...but I still am."_

_"Seriously? Even if it bothers me?"_

_"She is MY best friend, Quinn and I promised her that I would stand beside her on her wedding day! I have never broken a promise to her and I'm not going to start now!"_

_"I'm supposed to be your best friend."_ She squeaked before turning her face away and staring out the window.

I rested my hand on her leg while still trying to focus on the road.

And then the first whimper came followed by sniffles.

She was really over the top today but I had learned quickly not to point that out to her.

* * *

_"Lover?"_

_"Don't!"_ She shoved my hand off her leg but I put it back _. "Don't fucking touch me!"_

I didn't want to aggravate her further so I sighed and put both my hands back on the steering wheel.

But I didn't back down.

_"Quinn, you know how I feel about you...haven't I made that clear enough in the last six years?"_

_"I just...when it comes to Brittany...I will always compare myself. You just always base everything we do on her. Even down to your work schedule! I hate being second to her! Haven't I made that clear in the last six years?"_

_"There is no comparison. This is the last thing we do based on her...I promise!"_

_"Yea? You promise? Like when she asked you to be Brielle's godmother and you agreed and then promised that was the last thing you would do?"_

_"That's not fair, Q."_

_"Neither is you taking five thousand fucking dollars from our savings to help her get a place near us!"_

_"We aren't having this discussion_   _again...we are a block away. Should we just not go?"_

_"We're already here."_

And now she was fucking all out sobbing.

Perfect!

* * *

I pulled into a parking spot facing away from the church and turned to Q.

She was still looking away but I could see the tears.

_"Love, look at me. Please?"_

She took a deep breath and then finally her eyes met mine as she turned to me.

Seeing her like this stung because I had known it would end up here.

I could never say no to Britt and when we were still taking things slow it wasn't such a big deal but we had a life together now and sometimes I forgot that.

I brushed my thumbs across her cheeks and then kissed the tip of her nose.

 _"What?"_ She said with a shaky voice.

 _"You are my top priority. That hasn't changed. You and him."_  I rested my hand on her small baby bump and smiled.  _"And if you want to leave right now and go back home, then we will. Just say the word."_

She smiled and then shook her head as she rested her hand on top of mine.

_"No...we shouldn't go. This is Britt's day and she's your best friend. Our best friend. It's just these fucking hormones make me crazy!"_

_"Shh, baby it's fine. Just try to relax...okay? I love you and nobody comes before you!"_

She nodded and then took another breath.

The look in her eyes shifted over to her usual complacent state and she nodded.

_"Okay...I'm ready."_

_"Good...me too."_

* * *

I had underestimated my heart.

Britt and I had fallen into an easy and distant friendship over the years, often times when I visited her, I spent more time with my goddaughter then with her.

But that didn't stop my heart from attempting to leap out of my chest as she drifted up the aisle.

So many times back in high school I had imagined her like this at our wedding and I guess just feeling that nostalgia, brought tears to my eyes.

Quinn was shooting me a look from the first pew because despite my smile she could see my real emotions.

But it wasn't intentional...and the fact that she was five months pregnant and feeling extra insecure didn't help matters.

I winked at her and then tried my best to pay attention as Britt married Ethan.

He was a great guy...a shitload better than the deadbeat dad that Sam turned out to be.

I was happy to be the one to give her away to him.

In that moment as I gave him her hand, I felt a heaviness leave me.

She wasn't my responsibility anymore.

I was shocked at the relief that I felt in that moment.

Quinn was right, I did put Britt's needs first at times but now that I had given her to Ethan, I knew that she would be in good hands.

And now we could really just be best friends.

My full focus could now be on the woman who I loved and our growing baby boy.

As it should be.

* * *

The night was dragging on as I sat at our table, super sober with a somber looking Quinn.

Because she couldn't drink, I wouldn't.

They had just cut the cake and I could tell from the hungry look in her eyes that she was feeling needy.

For me.

But she was waiting.

And I knew it.

The room was insanely loud so I grabbed one of Brielle's crayons from my purse and a napkin.

**_Hey Lovergirl, wanna ditch this place and go get a room?_ **

I slid the napkin over to her and then turned to answer a question from Rachel.

I felt a foot slowly trailing up my leg and fought back my smirk.

When I looked down there was the napkin again.

_**I've been wanting to get you alone all night. ;)** _

I looked at her and could see that she was holding our hotel key.

That was all the encouragement that I needed!

* * *

Our exit should have been speedy.

But we hadn't been factoring in Britt being Britt.

_"Is she making you leave?"_

That was what Britt said as I was walking Quinn out.

But then Quinn being a hormonal Quinn flipped out on her.

_"Why do you care, Britt?"_

_"She's my maid of honor...she should be here!"_

_"And I'm her pregnant wife! I'm more important!"_

_"Please don't figh-"_  I had gone to cut in.

 _"Shut up Santana!"_  They yelled and so I backed off but I didn't walk away.

_"I know who you are to her, Quinn. My replacement!"_

And then the genius slapper returned.

Leave it to Quinn to slap the bride on her wedding day.

Britt, though, wasn't a fighter so I wasn't surprised when she burst into tears and ran back to the reception hall.

Quinn was fuming as she paced back and forth.

_"The nerve!"_

_"Q...you should calm down."_

Why did I say that?

* * *

The next thing that I knew she was slamming me against the wall.

What could I do?

Not a damn thing.

But then I looked at her and bit my lip and her anger crumbled.

She pressed her lips against mine while gripping my hair in her fist while palming my tit...right there in the hallway.

Prim and proper Quinn was feeling me up in a church...oh how far she's come.

I wanted to believe that she couldn't control herself, but I knew that she just didn't want me to run after Britt.

She didn't trust me to choose her over Britt in that moment.

I groaned as she pinched my nipple.

 _"Take me to our room."_  She growled.

 _"You got it lover."_ I rasped.

The grin that came after that made me feel so much better.

I lived to see that smile.


	15. Laserlight (Jessie J)

* * *

I was exhausted.

Working a double shift and then coming home to a cranky four-year old had me feeling like I could sleep for ages.

But my internal clock was set.

Once the sun was shining, I needed to be up and shining too.

Micah was an early riser who liked to get into things.

And if I wasn't careful, I was afraid that he would figure out how to open the balcony doors and would fall forty stories.

San had promised me that it was literally impossible for that to happen but insane things happen everyday.

I wasn't big on taking chances when it came to my son.

So imagine my panic when I woke up and the penthouse eerily was silent.

Immediately my mind went to the worst things that could possibly happen.

My body was on high alert as I sprung from the bed and began a frantic search for Micah.

But after searching endlessly, with no sign of him, I ended up back in my bed with my head buried in the pillows, sobbing.

That is until I noticed a bright green envelope just off to the side.

Had I been calm when I woke up, I would have seen it sitting on top of my alarm clock and my phone.

But I apparently, I had lost my cool, collected HBIC demeanor a long time ago.

* * *

_Dear Mom,_

_Mami took me to see Aunt Cassie._

_Don't worry._

_I'm safe!_

_I love you!_

_MICAH_

* * *

Santana had been on this whole kick to have the smartest kid ever, so it was no surprise that at four years old, Micah was writing and reading on a first grade level.

His penmanship still left much to be desired but San was working on that with him.

I smiled because the note was clearly written by him with her probably coaching him on the whole safety thing.

At the bottom of the note he had drawn a picture of himself and me with a big smile and then a heart.

I loved him so much.

Micah was our pride and joy.

And someday he would make us proud.

Shoot, he already made us proud.

Having him had healed so many dark parts of me.

Seeing him in the mornings always reminded me of just how blessed I was.

Which is why this morning, I was already feeling off.

But now that I knew he was safe, my heart returned to a normal pace as I bit down on my lip.

If San sent him away, then that meant she wanted me alone.

Who knew what she was up to.

She never failed to surprise me.

As I was putting the note back in the envelope, I saw that it had more on the back.

A letter.

* * *

_Hey Lover,_

_If I know you well enough after ten years, you probably are seeing this after you had a full-blown titty attack?_

_Am I right?_

_Sure I am!_

_I'm sorry for the scare._

_He was up when I got home from work at four, so I packed his bags and I'm dropping him off with his Auntie._

_You will see him when you wake up tomorrow, I promise!_

_Cassie promises to take really good care of Micah and to keep him from anything dangerous._

_In the meantime, now that you are awake...I left something in the kitchen for you._

_Check the fridge._

_Love,_

_Yours._

* * *

I was angry and then sad and then smiling like an idiot.

San always knows what to say and what to do to set me on the right track.

We had come so far from where we had been ten years ago.

My phone buzzed and I saw a video message from Cassie.

I pressed the screen and my son's face popped up.

_"Morning Mom! I love you so much! Happy anniversary! Be happy okay! Oh and Mami says check the fridge!"_

He blew me a kiss and then it ended.

I blew one back and then slid out of the bed again.

How had she known that the fridge was the only place that I hadn't checked?

I mean I had even checked the microwave and oven in my search for my son.

When I pulled open the door, there was another letter.

* * *

_Hey Babycakes,_

_Feel better yet?_

_I hope so._

_A note from Micah._

_A letter from me._

_And then a video from him._

_There is more to come...so at least go brush your teeth because I'm sure you probably still stink and then meet me on the roof._

_Oh and fix your face, I'm wooing you dammit!_

_You woke up annoyed, had a scare but I am making up for it...Tabula Rasa?_

_Please?_

_Love,_

_Your Lover )_

* * *

_"You suck."_  I said as I tossed the letter on the countertop and saw that the coffee maker was on and had a post-it stuck to it.

_**Maybe this will help you fix your face?!-S** _

She knew me too well!

I poured myself a cup of coffee and then made my way to the bathroom.

On the mirror in lipstick she had drawn a giant smiley face.

Since she wanted to be a smartass, I'd take my time.

Some days the mood to be vindictive strikes and I just can't help myself.

Today felt like one of those days.

I opened the shower door and there was another fucking post-it.

_**Be spiteful all you want...if your bacon gets cold, its your fault!-S** _

_"You know me too well, Santana Lopez!"_ I grumbled before rushing through my shower.

The last thing I wanted was cold bacon.

* * *

She was too sly for her own good.

When I got to the bedroom, there was another note and the stereo remote.

I could see that she was either spying on me or she could just sense how I was feeling.

Because this time there was no sarcasm to her note.

It was just everything that I needed in that moment.

It was a letter from my SANTANA.

The honest and open one.

My favorite.

* * *

_Hey Q,_

_So, eleven years ago, I got this letter from a girl that I had just hooked up with at a horrible non wedding._

_It had been her first time with another woman and she had deluded herself into thinking that it would be her last._

_But I knew better._

_I just didn't think that she would be darkening my doorstep again._

_Of course, I was wrong because time had gone by and she couldn't stop thinking about me._

_I mean who wouldn't...I'm hot...but she was asking for something more than another hookup._

_Even if she didn't realize it yet,_

_She was asking me to give us a shot._

_I knew when I read that letter that I would do anything for her._

_No one had ever chased me before._

_And I mean NO ONE._

_I had always been the one to chase after what I wanted but for once...someone was showing me that I was worth being chased._

_That letter changed my life._

_It changed my perspective._

_You changed my life, you made me see something in myself that I hadn't seen before._

_You pushed me to achieve my dreams and to find new ones._

_I thank God for the day that you pushed past my walls and conquered that lost, scared little girl inside of me._

_And so today...after allowing you, for the last eleven years to change my life...I'm going to change yours._

_Just hit play on the remote and allow this song to soothe those frayed pieces of your soul._

_I love you, Quinn...forever and a day._

_YOUR LOVER AND BEST FRIEND,_

_San_

* * *

From the first moment that I pressed play, a calm filled me like I had never felt before.

The voice was so clean and crisp as it sang one of my all time favorite songs.

A song that had the melody of a song that I had sung in glee club years ago but with different words.

My heart-felt so full and overwhelmed.

I danced slowly around the room as I got dressed.

Just as I was finishing up, the bedroom door swung open and there stood my wife with a covered platter in her hands, completely drenched from head to foot.

Despite the chaos of her appearance, though, the serene look in her eyes is what got my attention.

 _"What happened?"_ I asked as I hummed along to the song.

_"Freak thunderstorm...I take it you like the song?"_

I nodded as I walked over to her and took the platter from her hands.

She looked at it and then at me with a small smile on her face.

I put the platter down on the trunk at the end of our bed and then walked back over to her.

Her hands rested against her sides as she just stood there watching me.

 _"Are you okay?"_ I asked feeling bad that her sweet plans had been ruined by the rain _._

_"I'm perfect...just seeing you...like this...dancing to this song...it's so perfect."_

She shivered and shook her jacket off before taking a step forward and wrapping me up in her embrace.

Despite the chill that came from her clothes, the warmth of her lips sent spikes of heat through me.

 _"I want you so bad."_ I whispered.

_"I'm pretty wet myself."_

She winked and then spontaneously spun me around until my back was against her front.

Arms still wrapped around my body, she walked us forward until we were just in front of the platter.

 _"Don't you want to change first?"_ I said as she placed her hand on the cover of the platter.

_"No...I'm not going to let a little bit of rain stop my plans."_

* * *

I smiled at the thought.

It was kind of like a metaphor for our lives.

The rain symbolized different things to us...her struggles at the beginning of her music career, financing my medical career and then Brittany.

I thought back to just after Brittany had married Ethan and how I had lost my mind.

Santana never for one second called me out about that slap and neither did Brittany.

Instead, San sat down with Britt and Ethan and explained to them how much taking care of Britt had affected our lives.

She had promised that we would always have a place in our home and our hearts for Brielle but that Britt's dependence had to end.

Even with me slapping her, Brittany showed not a hint of malice or spite.

Instead, when Micah was born she and Ethan surprised us by decorating his whole nursery and when the time came, Britt personally worked out with me every single day until I was back in shape.

We had turned a corner in our relationship with her.

All because Santana didn't let that little bit of rain get in the way of uniting the two most important women in her life.

A title that I was proud to share with Brittany because now she realized that while she was San's first love...I was her final love.

Just like San had said, the Unholy Trinity begins together and ends together.

* * *

_"You're right...so what is it?"_

_"Open it."_ She whispered in my ear as she lifted the lid and there was another envelope.

 _"Wow...another letter."_  I said rolling my eyes before opening it.

_"Mmmhmm."_

Sure it was another letter.

But it wasn't from her.

It wasn't from Micah.

My heart stopped as I rested back against my wife.

It wasn't from anyone that I would have imagined.

And that...was what made it so amazing.

* * *

_Dear Mama Q,_

_This letter has been a long time coming._

_For so many years, I have wanted to know you and to see the person that I am apparently the spitting image of._

_Please know that I never blamed you for giving me up, not even for a second!_

_You did what was best for you and you should be happy to know that my mom, Shelby, made sure that I knew everything about you and Puck...the good and the bad._

_She played old videos of your glee club and always said to me...look that's your Mama Q!_

_I idolized you as a kid and prayed for you too._

_My dream has always been to sing just like you._

_For years I practised in the mirror, the shower and then finally in chorus at my Catholic school._

_Living in L.A. and feeling like I belonged among all those greats on the walk of fame, fed that dream._

_So on a whim, I made a demo and I sent it to a bunch of places around town._

_I prayed every night and then a few months later, I got a call from a label._

_They wanted me to meet a couple of their producers._

_And so I did._

_The entire time that I was singing, this one woman was staring at me really hard and it was creepy._

_I watched as everyone shook their heads and said that I wasn't ready._

_But then she, the producer that was staring, asked me to sing something else and then something else._

_By the end of the meeting, all the producers wanted to work with me but in the end, I chose her because of her faith in me._

_When all the producers left, she sat me down and asked me a bunch of questions._

_Needless to say, I was sitting there talking to your wife and had no idea._

_When she told me who she was, I cried and hugged her._

_She wrote this song for me and asked me to record it in one go._

_So I did._

_And then she asked me to come here and meet you._

_So here I am._

_Turn around._

_Love, Beth._

* * *

Over the last ten years, we had amassed a mountain of money, jewelry and riches.

We had properties all over the country and we really didn't want for anything.

Our sex life was active and still sparking.

But underneath all of that, I had always felt like there was this piece of me that was missing.

San knew that anything she did for our tenth anniversary would be appreciated.

But really, nothing could have prepared me for meeting my daughter face to face.

Beth stood there, a perfect reflection of me at fourteen with the exception of that natural Jewish tan that came from Puck.

She was beautiful.

I was in tears as she hugged me super tight.

And whispered in a voice that matched mine in pitch.

_"Did you like my song?"_

My heart nearly exploded this time.

Even without knowing it, my maternal instincts had picked up on the voice of my child.

It had brought me peace.

And soothed me.

 _"It was the most beautiful thing that I have ever heard."_  I said as I held her against me.

I looked over her shoulder at my wife and smiled.

San gave me two thumbs up and then cleared her throat.

 _"So...you two go eat that big breakfast in the kitchen while I change."_ I let go of Beth and pulled my wife into a deep kiss. She smiled as she nipped at my lip and then pulled away and looked into my eyes. _"I love you, Q."_

_"And I love you. Thank you."_

* * *

Later that afternoon, after exchanging numbers with Beth and promising to meet up soon, I went in search of my wife.

I owed her so much for this.

She had been gracious enough to leave me and Beth to bond without complaint.

I checked the bedroom and found that the bed was neatly made and there was yet another letter in its place.

Of course!

* * *

_Dear Lover,_

_What started out as dealing with busy work schedules on our anniversary is now tradition._

_Splitting our anniversary in two was probably the most economical and savvy idea we have had._

_I took the morning...you take tonight?_

_Don't try to out do this...I really just want that smile more than anything else!_

_I surprised you and made your morning special and I can't wait to see what you have up your sleeves for tonight._

_There is another surprise waiting for you out on the balcony._

_I am down in my studio until about two and then I'm all yours._

_Can't wait to see how you keep the momentum going!_

_Happy Anniversary, my love!_

_Santana_


	16. Always and Forever (Heatwave)

* * *

_"You need to accept that this is what you signed up for Santana. The label is taking over Ms. Corcoran's contract and that's final."_

I leaned over my boss' desk and shoved my finger in his face.

_"That is not absolutely not final Mark. I am your most valuable employee and over that last nine years, I have made you tens of millions of dollars. You will not be taking over Beth's contract."_

_"And what makes you think that you have a say?"_

I could feel the sneaky smile creep onto my face as I winked at him.

_"Because Mark, my wife saw this coming for a long time now. Before Beth even was in the picture she had convinced me to set provisions for myself. A few months ago, I signed the contract for my own building and company. When I walked in here to resign you shuffled me into that room to listen to a new artist. Every single one of those assholes turned her down. But you know what I did?"_

He looked terrified suddenly.

_"That's not possible!"_

_"It is possible Mark, I stole her right from under you. She is signed to my label, my company and she is just the start. I have reached out to most of the artists that I have signed and they have agreed to leave the label."_

_"I'll sue your pants off for this!"_

_"Good luck, Mark!"_  I held the door of his office open and was prepared to step out but then turned back.  _"Oh yea...and I quit!"_

* * *

I pressed the call button on my phone as I climbed into my rental car.

_"Where to Ms. Lopez?"_

_"The airport, I have some place really amazing to be."_

_"You got it."_

I smiled as a small voice answered the phone.

_"Hi Mami! Where are you?"_

_"I am headed to the airport, I will see you soon mi'jo."_

_"Promise?"_

_"Yes. Where's Mom?"_

_"She's here, hold a second please!"_

I couldn't shake the feeling of just how free I felt in that moment.

And then to top it off, I had an amazing woman to thank for it.

_"Hey San."_

_"Hey babycakes. I did it. I finally quit and it's all thanks to you."_

_"Yea? I would have loved to see that fat fuck's face when you told him where to shove it!"_

Did I mention just how much Quinn hates Mark?

Yea, Q really hates him.

_"He was in shock but enough about him, how are you feeling?"_

_"What do you mean since you decided to knock me up again?"_

_"What? You mean it took? Seriously?"_

She squealed on the other end.

_"Yes and I have been waiting all day for you to get home so that we can tell Micah."_

_"You don't think that it's too soon?"_

_"San...if this baby is meant to be, then it will be. Remember?"_

_"Yea, you're right."_

_"I know I'm right, I am a doctor afterall...I think I am supposed to know these things."_

_"Mmm."_

_"Mmm what?"_

_"I was just thinking that maybe when I get home you and I can drop off Micah with Britt and then we can go out."_

_"Yea?"_

_"Yup...she's been asking to see him and so this would be a great time for us to go celebrate owning our own music label and our new baby."_

_"Okay, I'll call her and talk to her...you just be safe on your flight and I'll see you when you get here."_

_"Bye lover."_

* * *

The stars were out and there was a chill in the air as we overlooked the city.

We were both in jackets and scarves but being cold didn't seem to matter in that moment.

All that mattered was that we were together.

_"Can you believe that this is where we ended up?"_

_"What on a roof in New York?"_

She snuggled against me and nodded.

_"Not just that...but we are successful professionals with an amazing son, a baby on the way and we have love. As sappy as that may sound, that's just perfect."_

_"It's better than that."_ I whispered before kissing her forehead.

_"Yea?"_

_"Yes...it's flawless."_


End file.
